Reasonable Progress, Life Is Good

Under 294. Eating better, not marvelously. Haven't been back to the Y, but I'm going tomorrow to do Pilates with K, trainer extraordinaire. I could google to see if that's spelled right, but I'm too lazy.

I'm off Prednisone, not that it seemed to be doing much this time. I finish my second Z-pack tomorrow. I kinda think might have had pneumonia, even though the doc I saw when I couldn't see my own didn't hear anything in my lungs and apparently hasn't heard of this fancy new-fangled thing called a chest x-ray. He looked a lot older than me, but I thought they had such things even when he was in training... ;) As long as he was willing to give me an antibiotic, I at least knew if I had pneumonia, that should get rid of it. And, when I started hacking up yellow shit again as the first Z-pack was wearing off, Jack, a crochety hilarious colleague and fellow asthma sufferer, refilled it for me. I think I'm gonna live.

It's good to have one of these marginal doctor experiences every once in awhile. The guy was extremely hurried, interrupted me repeatedly, and, when I told him I was worried I could have pneumonia, didn't give me a second to tell him why. I like to think I'm the kind of doc who listens to people and makes them feel heard, but now I'm even more aware of trying to make sure.

On the boy front... I know I said I'm not going to complain about them. This is only going to be partial complaining, I think. That's probably a lie. Oh, well, makes the blog more interesting reading maybe. Or maybe not.

Idiot Boy I (The Ex) is an idiot. Really, every idiotic thing he does in the end, after it drives me a little insane (less than it used to), makes me increasingly thankful he's mostly out of my life. A very good friend's mother died a few days before Christmas. So what does IB do? He texts me Christmas eve to say "Merry Christmas" and, BTW, "Did you hear our friend's mom died?" This was news of the type that made me cry--good friend, knew his mom. IB could have let me know this a few days before Christmas when it happened, but, no, chose to text me on Christmas. Idiot.

Next, Idiot Boy called me yesterday about going together with his family to send flowers for the funeral. Fine. Decent. I suggested we have our same accountant do both our taxes to avoid any problems in this somewhat complicated divorce year. He was very happy I suggested it (he's a financial idiot). I suggested he call the accountant's office and have them send him the packet he'd need to fill out. He texted me at work later asking me to call them because he would "feel weird" if he had to talk to the receptionist there who is my cousin. A-hole. I texted that I would do it, but that maybe he should have thought about that kind of thing before. I did it. Cuz thought it was funny that he was scared to talk to her.

Then I called him later to say that I don't appreciate being used as a means for him to avoid the discomfort and consequences of HIS behavior when it was also behavior that has had incredibly hurtful consequences for me. I felt that him using ME to avoid this discomfort further belittled my feelings about the situation. I told him to be a man. Somewhere in there was something about his midlife crisis. I didn't yell, but I overreacted I know. But he just pisses me off. He's just silent. Or says he just wasn't thinking. Or says he's sorry it affected me that way. But he never effing takes real responsibility.

As far as Idiot Boy II (guy I dated with the blind dog), he's not really such an idiot. He's just really not that happy of a guy, I think. He told me he'd go out with me on New Year's Eve as long as he could be heading home by 10pm. 10pm?!? Are you 42 or 82? This when I wanted and needed to celebrate the coming of a new and better year! So S and I went out and had fun, and he stayed home and moped, which I think is what he really wanted to do in the first place. It's in his nature.

I like him. I think he's a nice person. After the New Year's thing, I just didn't call him as much. He sent an email apologizing for being kind of down and complaining and hibernating more than he should while we've dated. It was actually kind of a sweet email. I just think he's very much "glass is half empty" kind of guy. I'm guessing this is why he's 42 and never been married. I'm trying to be a "glass is half full" kind of girl and, considering everything, am not doing too badly at it. I had a husband I constantly had to try to reassure and bring up. Like KinnicChick said yesterday while we were drinking coffee, I "don't need a project". I wholeheartedly agreed--I need to be my project. The tough part for me--he's nice and I feel guilty ending it. I nicely told him all of the above. But yuck. I hate this part.

Seriously though, though things aren't perfect (whose life ever is?), I'm far happier now than I was at the beginning of 2009. I think that's a major accomplishment given starting the year depressed and in chronic pain, having surgery, my mom having a heart attack, discovering my spouse was cheating, and getting divorced. I'm damn proud. I'm a much tougher chick than I ever knew. If I survived last year insanity largely intact, I can survive anything!