Huh. Imagine That.

Just under 281. Adding exercise to eating reasonably really works. Duh.

On other fronts, it helped to go to work last night and take my mind off the dumb*ss.

Lots to do today before work. Have a great day everyone!

Baby Steps

At 283. Went to the Y. Did my shoulder exercises. Did the elliptical and walked. Survived without coffee first. Coffee as a reward AFTER.

I'm becoming more sane again. Now if only idiot boy will leave me alone for the rest of my life...

WTF? Facebook Etiquette Expert Needed

There was a period of time after I kicked the ex's ass out when I got about 3 different emails from Facebook that I had friend requests from him. Then when I would get to FB, there would be no friend request. I asked him about this. He said he would sign up for FB and then decide not to stay on FB. I told him that if he did decide to sign up again for Facebook not to friend me. Note that he had told me that FB is how he got back in contact with the crazy ex.

Today, I got another Facebook friend request from him. This one was for real. He had 5 friends. Our mutual friend S. His crazy ex-fiance with whom he cheated on me. Another crazy (as he used to tell me) ex-stripper ex-fiance. Two other women I don't know. Why the hell would he think I'd want to be Facebook friends with him and see him interact with these women? It's like this he's assembling this bizarre collection of exes. I sent him a message telling him I thought it best we not be FB friends. I ignored his friend request. I blocked him from contacting me. Childish? Maybe, but I don't care. He's crazy.

This is another of those times when I wonder what red flags I ignored on the path to marrying him. In all honesty, though, he seemed pretty normal, though perhaps I should have considered him having been engaged three times previous to me to have been a bit more of an issue. I just keep thinking that now I'm older, smarter, more confident, more cautious, and will pick better the next time around. But part of me still thinks I should never get married or live with a guy again. Who knows? It's too soon to tell.

I'm still 284. Eating OK, not great. Not working out. Not as tired as I was. Had a great weekend. Fun with friends, male and female. Both my football teams beat archenemies. The weather was nicer than it should be for November. My one workday was manageable--there seems to be a bit of a lull in the influenza. More coffee with good friends today. Got a couple things done today. Tomorrow--lawyer appointment to get a new will done, fun with Rudy's dad.

Baby Steps

284. Not exactly sure how, but I'll take it.

Little else to report. I'm tired as heck. I've napped every day this week. Maybe I'm fighting off some kind of crud. It's been fun to see good friends--coffee at the usual spot with K and others, seeing C and the pups Monday, S and the kids over for a bit to pet the kitties this afternoon, went up to see W today for a visit and to have her do miracles on the hair.

I will post a pic I had particular fun with. I came home last Monday and eventually noticed "The Ex" dog toy hanging from the red, white, and blue Independence Day party lights I put up--see above. Someone had been here--I'll keep her anonymous because I LOVE her. It totally made my day.

Seriously

I have to get serious. I'm at 285 on my scale today. I was 286 at Dr. M's yesterday. That was technically just above my magic number, making me a half pound shy of a hundred down yesterday.

That, along with a variety of other things, I'm sure you can imagine, if you've read the few posts on this blog lately, made me a bit irritable. My blood pressure when I see him (world-famous- institution-trained high-mucky-muck endocrinologist) is always on the high side and was yesterday. I usually bring him a few readings I've had taken at work to prove it's not usually like that. Given I've been preoccupied with other things like dissolving my crappy marriage and celebrating that dissolution, I failed to do that. But it was fine at my physical at Dr. S's and when I checked in at work for a sinus infection, both in the last couple weeks, and I told him that.

He started lecturing me on blood pressure control, etc. and pressuring me to go on BP meds again. I had just had it! I let him have it, reminding him how, prior to going off my two BP meds before, I almost passed out multiple times and preferred not to have a repeat of that, given what a crappy feeling that is.

After that, he was a bit more open to discussing my preferences with regard to my other meds. Yes, I was open to upping the Topamax--more headaches lately, so I'm happy to try more. No, I'd rather stay on 10mg of Meridia--I didn't lose more on 15mg, and that's when I had SVT. Yeah, I'd probably do OK on 15mg, but I'd probably have to give up more coffee, and I'd rather not do that if I can avoid it. And, quite honestly, I just need to eat a little better and get my butt to the Y.

He apologized in the end for getting all paternalistic on me about the BP meds. I appreciated that. He ended up being very sweet and telling me a doctor joke to cheer me up. He also told me he thought that us doctors are far too serious and responsible in our younger years with all our school and training and that maybe I should consider my divorce as a chance to have more fun than I did when I was younger (I told him I completely agree and I'd already decided to do that).

In other news, C brought the dogs over yesterday while she cleaned, and I took them on the big dog walk. It was such a nice day--unbelievably spectacular weather the last few days. I guess they were super tired when they got home and went right to their kennels to sleep. It was so great to see them. Apparently, I tired myself out, too. Went to bed at 8pm last night. Got up for an early appointment this morning. Came home by 9am and slept until after 11. I think I finally caught up from a bunch of early days.

Thanks all, for all the support. Sorry for not getting to the comments directly, but they do mean a lot!

I'm Divorced

I was just so happy all day to be getting this over with and getting The Ex (!) out of my life. The divorce went off without any surprises. The Ex didn't try any funny business. The judge approved our settlement agreement and divorced us--no problem. My mom and Moon went with--my lawyer asked if they were my posse. They were pissed when he asked me where my skirt was--I told him it was cold and there was no way I was wearing a skirt. It's not like he told me to wear one. I told Mom and Moon later--this lawyer's been a really decent guy, really more supportive emotionally than I ever would have thought a lawyer would be, and, without him, I could have been paying The Ex far more money. He can say whatever the hell he wants about what I wore to court...

After court, The Ex cried and I didn't. That makes me so damn glad. It was when he talked to my mom. He told us both how glad he was that we let him see the Nephew. I didn't say much--just was thinking how we're not doing it for The Ex, but for the Nephew. My mom said, "Just make sure you're a good role model for him in the future." Good one, Mom. He hugged her. I shook his hand. He still repulses me.

Then, a couple margaritas at Margaritaville. YUM. Then got ready for the party. LOTS of fun. Saw a lot of good friends and fun family I haven't seen in a long time. I would definitely recommend an Independence Day party to anyone going through a divorce. No chance to let yourself mope or think about the past bad crap--just good times and thinking about the good things to come!

Today--football game at my alma mater. We won so big it almost got boring, especially given it was kinda cold. Then more margaritas with Mom and Auntie. Then a nap. Now we're watching another game on TV. I was having trouble trying to get warm until I tried to help Mom flip her mattress--no success. It's the heaviest mattress I've ever seen, and my shoulder's good, but not that good. We decided men are good for lifting heavy things--and s*x. My mom added that second one.

Overall, a very good few days.

Tomorrow, I seriously get serious. Tonight, a few more Skittles...

D-Day

The divorce will be final this afternoon, barring some unforeseen challenge by the Future Ex.

He finally got all his shit out Tuesday. Rudy's Dad (guy I'm dating) helped me pick out this kick-butt stereo/surround sound system and hooked it into the speaker system that was in the condo when we moved in--totally great. Plus, he changed the name of my wireless network to [HugeMD]Rox from a stupid martial arts name and got the Future Ex's name off all my computer stuff. It feels good to get him and his stuff out of my life.

My mom met Rudy's Dad last night--we were finishing up the computer stuff when she got here. She liked him a lot. Good sign, I think, given I'm pretty sure right now she's about as protective of me as an extremely angry mother grizzly bear and probably would have hated his guts at the least little sign of anything suspicious. I, however, am still taking things a day at a time--like him, but not doing anything quickly.

Well, lots to do--Independence Day Party tonight. Should be lots of relatives and old and new friends coming. Lots of people I can't wait to see.

Oh, yeah. Still at 280. I'm pretty sure I'll gain a couple pounds overnight--I plan to drink more than my share of margaritas. Don't tell anyone--I got the secret recipe from Margaritaville. This could be dangerous...

I'm Doing Great--In Most Ways

So, this is as good a day as any to post after a long absence. No good excuses, really. I am busier than ever--work is nuts with the whole swine flu thing and I'm tired out by it already. My social life has taken a positive turn, and I'm enjoying that--that's probably a big part of what I'm spending my free time on. For that, I don't feel a bit of guilt.

Katie J's comment was the main thing that pushed me to post today. Thanks, Katie. Plus, I had my physical today, so that was a motivator, as well. I'm at 280. That means I'm still under my magical "a hundred down number", but I've obviously backslid. I hesitate to tell myself or anyone else that, considering everything, I'm actually quite happy to be where I'm at. But, I am quite happy to be where I'm at. The hesitation comes in because I don't want to let excusing a little backslide now lead to excusing more and more and pretty soon I'm a hundred pounds up.

I really don't think it's going to happen to me. However, I bet there are millions of people out there who've been exactly where I've been and have ended up exactly where I don't want to be.

I know what I need to do. My eating hasn't been horrible. There has been some room for improvement, but that I've been doing. I have not, except for dog-walking when I babysat the pups this weekend, been working out. That's bad for me on MANY levels. I think about going to the Y sometimes. Not as often as I should. But, even when I think about it, I don't go. In my defense, I caught some crud (non-H1N1) at work and my asthma's been horrible this week, so I can barely walk around at work, let along work out, but that excuse is only going to hold water for a few more days...

That out of the way. I am officially ONE WEEK from my divorce being final. This has been, on the one hand, probably one of the top two hardest things ever in my life--the death of my father being #1. On the other hand, having come through this and having dealt with a lot of the painful part of it already, I truly can say that, in many ways, I'm SO much happier than I have been for a very long time.

I can't say I totally understand why The Future Ex cheated and why my marriage is ending, but I think I'm getting it figured out to some extent. It's a guessing game on my part because all I could get him to say was that he got resentful when I hurt my shoulder and got depressed and he had to do more housework (interesting given we've had someone clean every week for years). I really know it's not because I'm fat, ugly, unsupportive, not affectionate enough, or any of a long list of bad things I could (and have) thought about myself. I'm not perfect, no one is, but I've constantly continued to work to improve myself, to be a better person, and to try to work on relationships when they get rough, whether with him or anyone. No one can ask more than that from a person. I think sometimes, you can just end up with a person you won't be able to make happy no matter what you do. The big issues were his issues. I couldn't help someone who didn't want help, not that I didn't try.

I think that the stress of living with someone who was depressed, anxious, insecure, chronically unhappy, and always looking for something (new job, new sport, new movie, new hobby, and ultimately new woman) to make him magically happy was taking a toll on me that I didn't recognize. I loved the person at the time, so I didn't see it as taking a toll or being a burden--it was just what I felt one did when one is married to someone she loves--supports him through better and worse, richer and poorer, sickness and health. Clearly, not everyone feels so strongly about that. Unfortunately, I was married to one of the latter, but he was a good actor, and I didn't know it until it was too late.

SO, the bottomline is that I am very much looking forward to my divorce being final next week. I am extremely glad I'll no longer be connected to the Idiot. He continues to do stupid things. The latest is that he bought a new sports car. Ironic that when he brings a woman to his apartment in his chick-magnet car, he only has a fold-out sofa to sleep with her on. Thankfully, financially, he's still being reasonable. I've already paid him the divorce settlement (clearly I paid the down-payment on the chick-magnet), so it should be hard for him to go back. It ought to go off without a hitch.

Most importantly, I see this as my chance to start fresh. I still don't know that I'm thinking marriage is a good plan again in the future, but I'm not as utterly opposed to the idea as I once was. I'm still baffled as to how one determines if one's found "the" guy, given that I was with this one 11 years, married 9, without realizing that he wasn't. But, I've dated a little. Had a few "interesting" experiences. Have met one guy I like, even though he's super-conservative politically while I'm more liberal-turning-more-middle-of-the-road-as-I-get-older and pretty much distrust ALL politicians. I've tried not liking the guy solely because of his politics, but I can't--he buys $200/month of eyedrops from India for his blind dog among other sweet things and treats me very nicely--so I take it one date at a time and just have a lot of fun. We went to Margaritaville a couple weeks ago. One of the waitresses was The Future Ex's coworker's wife. I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me happy to know it would get back to him that I was there with a guy. I know that's a bit evil, but I do pretty much hate his guts. That's a lot more positive feeling than I had about him a couple months ago, however...

A few other scattered good things: My mom is fine. She has seen the error of her ways and promises to always go to the hospital if she has chest pain. The pups are great--I babysat them last weekend and had SO much fun. Vinny's still adorable as ever, though bigger and stronger. Izzy's still smart as a whip and likes women best and didn't beg to go out a million times a day like before. Celebrated the niece's birthday with Mom, Gramp, Nephew, and Moon, too, on the weekend. Also, I finally got a dose of injectable H1N1 vaccine today thanks to rockin' Dr. S and his nurse and the state I live in; NO thanks to the state health department of the state I bust my ass, I mean, work in.

Again, thanks, Katie. And everyone who persevered to read this rant. Very therapeutic! Sorry for neglecting ya all lately. I won't make any promises, but maybe I'll get back to this better after the Independence Day party's over.

Big WHEW!

Mom had her coronary angiogram/heart cath. No major blockages, no stents needed, basically not even any cholesterol plaque in her arteries, except MAYBE 10% minimal narrowing in an area of one artery.

They figure she had a spasm in one of her coronary (heart) arteries that led to the chest pain and blocked the artery long enough to cause the death of just enough heart cells to cause the small rise in her heart enzyme tests. This is more common in people with migraines (which she has) and can be made more likely by migraine medicines like Imitrex (which she had taken a few hours before her episode of chest pain).

SO, great news overall. She goes on a medication to try to prevent further artery spasm. It also can make migraines less frequent in some people.

She continues to be a bit stubborn. I'm a little worried that if she's giving me this much trouble at age 58, that a special kind of hell may be awaiting me when she's elderly.

I told her I would change the sheets on her bed when we got home. She proceeded to do it herself and put them in the washer. This then led to a little bleeding at her cath site. I'd been trying to get the point across in a good-natured way all weekend that she needs to take her symptoms seriously and take it easy. Tonight I was pissed. I didn't yell, but I made it clear it was NOT OK for her to be doing this kind of stuff 6 hours after her cath when I was here to do it for her. I made her lie down in her recliner. She was amazingly good the rest of the night.

Again, I love her a lot. I want her to live to drive me even more crazy in her old age. I just wish she would start to worry more about herself and a little less about everyone else and just accept a little help once in awhile!

Call For Thoughts and Prayers

My mom, the greatest person I know, has had a small heart attack. She's in the hospital where I went to medical school. She had a bit of chest pain today and even a short run of V-Tach (a potentially dangerous heart rhythm that scares me quite a bit whenever I see it and scared me much more so to see it on a monitor attached to my mother) so, needless to say, I'm a bit worried. She's having a coronary angiogram (catheter put into the groin to thread up to shoot dye into the arteries of the heart to look for blockages) tomorrow with angioplasty and stenting if necessary. They're putting it off until then because she's on Coumadin, a blood thinner, and they would rather have her blood not quite so thin prior to the procedure. I know she's in one of the best places ever and will get the best care possible. The attending cardiologist was even my staff on my 4th year Cardiology rotation! That doesn't change the fact I'm worried.

Remember, I love my mother dearly. She is, however, going to drive me insane. She is 58 years old. At this rate, she will have me in the nut-house by the time she's 60.

She started having chest pressure, to her arms, shortness of breath, nausea, all the classic signs, at 3:30am Friday. She took a bunch of Tums, etc., and it just got worse. She was still pretty sure it was just heartburn but decided maybe she should get it checked out. She drove toward the nearest hospital, started to feel better, so drove toward her usual hospital. She felt even better, so she, instead of going in, went home, slept for 45 minutes, and went to work!

She worked all day, having off and on mild chest pressure. When coworkers commented in the afternoon that she looked tired, she told them what had happened. They eventually convinced her she should see a doctor. So she finished work, did her hour-long extra tutoring job, went to feed her neighbor's cat, and then WENT TO URGENT CARE.

She was annoyed, when at urgent care, they made her go to the ER by ambulance instead of letting her drive herself. AT 8:30PM SHE CALLED HER DOCTOR DAUGHTER FOR THE FIRST TIME, 17 hours after the chest pain first occurred, from the emergency room. She was pretty sure it was just heartburn and was just waiting for her cardiac enzyme blood tests to be normal so she could go meet her friends for dinner like she'd planned! No such luck. The test was not normal. She was admitted. I made the middle of the night drive down.

Seriously, she is going to drive me nuts. This is after going a week with the "flu" a few years ago which turned out to be urosepsis (blood infection that started as a urine infection) and led to acute renal (kidney) failure with her creatinine going up to 5.0 (very high and bad) before it came back down. And after last year her ignoring her asthma until she ended up in the hospital with it for over a week.

Anyway, much as she will lead me to the looney bin, I love her more than anything. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers--for her to get through tonight pain-free, for the cath to go well, and for her to learn to take her symptoms seriously and get the help she needs in a timely fashion in the future...

Divorce Party Themes

So far, I'm thinking Independence Day, even though it'll almost be Halloween. I've elicited other suggestions from my friends on Facebook and in person, but, so far, no one's come up with anything that I like better. I won't say the male stripper idea wasn't a little intriguing... ;)

I want to keep it positive--celebrating the fact that this is my chance to start over in a sense. Open to suggestions. I figure there are some smart, creative chicks reading this, so you all might come up with something really good!

OK, so I'm still not all that motivated, but I did lift some weights last night (my shoulder exercises which I've been neglecting in a big way) and walked for a half hour. It's a start... No change on the weight front.

The Shoes

Here they are. My mom took a picture of them and posted them on Facebook, so I got a copy from her.

Otherwise, I'm on my week off--I've done a few things around the house, and I've shopped, had fun with friends/new acquaintances, taken a nap, and drank a lot of coffee on my own, too. Overall, a good mix of laziness and responsibility. Massage tomorrow. More coffee I'm sure.

Weight is the same. I'm not motivated.

Neglect

Yeah, so I've been neglecting the blog big-time.

Last weekend was a blast. Went to my college/med school town, where my mom also lives now, for the first football game of the year. It was also the Taste Of, which was good, but bad. I ate WAY too much.

I bought EIGHT pairs of shoes last Friday. Four on the way--for a total of $38 on clearance. Four after 2 too strong margaritas with my mom. They were on clearance but not cheap--3 pairs of Danskos and 1 Naots. I really needed some new shoes for work. I wear size 11. They're usually virtually impossible to find, so I usually just buy men's shoes, honestly. I actually found comfortable, women's shoes that fit. Pretty good choices considering I was drunk!

Plus, I'm beginning to think I don't hate all men and that maybe I needed some girlier shoes to wear if I might be going on dates.

Now I'm back at my mom's for another game tomorrow. It's nice to get away. Work was insanity this week. Swine flu mania.

Now I'm off for a week. I had all these grand plans of catching up on things at home--I'm realizing that my week's already filling up and that's not likely to happen...

Oh, yeah, and I was at 273 this morning. Last weekend was ugly. It could be worse...

A Toddler Is Out of the Hands of a Druggie

OK, I get tired of the whole scene of trying to figure out who has pain, who doesn't, who's lying, who's not, who needs pain pills, who's just trying to get them to get high or sell them. Today it went to new heights. I'll keep this really vague. Person came in. Had a toddler with him. Not his--babysitting. No ID. Said it was at home (lived more than 2 minutes away supposedly). Had pain, or so he said. Pupils the size of dinner plates. Asks for narcotics. Is clearly on some kind of drugs other than/in addition to narcotics with those pupils. I said "no ID, no narcs." Came back 2 minutes later and gave the receptionist an ID. She brought it back to me. It didn't match the name OR birthdate he registered under! He registered under a FALSE name but gave me his REAL ID. Lesson: Drugs make you stupid. Under the REAL name, he'd received about 11 million prescriptions for Vicodin, 15 million for Adderall, and 5 million for Ativan. The nurses roomed him and told him I'd be coming in to give him his prescription. We all kept telling him I was in an emergency. I was actually calling 911 and then waiting for the cops. There was no way in HELL I was letting him drive away in a car under the influence of god-knows-what with that kid. He was taken out in cuffs. The baby was bawling after being left with the other cop. The baby's mom came and got him--she had NO idea this shit was going on. I know the patient needs help, and it'd be great if this results in him getting it, but even if he continues to do bazillions of drugs anyway, I don't really care all that much to be honest. That toddler is safe. That's what I care about.

Playing with C's Dogs

Met C and her son for coffee today and then we took the pups for a walk. They were happy to see me, but not crazily so. That made me happy--I could tell they're happy. They all had a great weekend. C's son is LOVING the pups, especially Vinny. C is bonding even more with Izzy. Her husband's liking them, too. They've actually taught Vinny to lie down, which I thought was virtually impossible. Guess he's become a little smarter with age. He's still slow. They went to visit family in the country and let the pups off leash. Vinny was easy to catch. Izzy, not so much, as is her usual.

We took them to the beach by the river. They had a blast running in the sand, splashing in the water, and chasing sticks C's son tossed into the edge of the water. They won't go in all that far, but Izzy's getting braver. It was so great to see them and know that they're happy and that I can see them any time.

The kitties continue to be extremely happy and relaxed. As is their mom, for the most part.

Scale's the same. OK, tomorrow I work a day shift. NO reason not to get my butt back to the Y. I HAVE to do it.

I'm A Crazy Cat Lady Again

This is officially a cat house again. I'm hoping this is permanent. The cats are much calmer already again--lounging everywhere and appearing to feel completely safe. I'll admit it's lonelier with no Izzy and Vinny running all over the place. It's already less stressful not having to figure out what to do with them when I have to work or have places to go. I know they're somewhere where they're happy and safe. I think it's the right decision.

I'm down to 268. No workout time because I worked a long shift yesterday.

Today it's off to the Renaissance Fest with S. Lots of walking. Also a probably a turkey leg and a cob of corn. Should tend to even out pretty well. Best of all--pottery and jewelry!

It's A Go!

C will become the pups' new mom as of tomorrow. They'll also have a dad again and will gain a big brother. I plan to look at myself as their Auntie who babysits them, spoils them, and sends them back to their parents! I'm really much more familiar with that role, anyway. I'm not even the least bit sad at this point, though I know that may change some tomorrow. I think knowing C and her family and them being close by so I'll be able to see the pups anytime makes a HUGE difference. I'm actually very relieved. It's been stressful again having them back and trying to juggle work, dogs, cats, and the rest of life. The cats, I'm sure, will be elated to have them gone again, too.

Other good news--I saw my surgeon yesterday. I'm totally off any work restrictions. I don't have to go back to see him again. He's very happy with how my shoulder's doing. AS AM I. It's been a bit of a gradual process, but, sometime in the past month or so, it's COMPLETELY stopped hurting. I find myself doing things that I used to avoid and having them not hurt and almost becoming teary-eyed with joy! I think I didn't even completely realize how much it hurt when it was really bad. But now I SO realize what a complete and utter relief it is NOT to have it hurt. I told my surgeon how great it feels and how happy I am with the job he did--only there are no words I can put together that can really truly express how thankful I am to him. I know maybe that sounds weird, but it's so true. I mean, the shoulder pain I had put me into a pretty major depression. How do you find the words to thank someone for getting rid of the source of THAT?

I'm trending down weight-wise but haven't hit another half-pound mark. I doubt I will tomorrow because I'm going out for dinner tonight to my favorite Italian place. My pets' vet promised me a beer when all the dog craziness was going on--I'm taking her up on it, though instead we decided to meet for dinner. She has a jerk for an ex, too, so I'm sure they'll be plenty of topics of conversation. She was my patient at my first job-from-hell. She still hasn't forgiven me for leaving that job. I love her so much as a vet, I drive an hour to take my pets to her. Should be a fun, relaxing night.

Last Minute Day Off

Got rid of shift 7 of 7 last minute yesterday, so I had today off. Tomorrow I'm off, too. Woo-hoo. I was just wiped. It's been busy. People have been crabby.

I'm sorry your baby is sick. I'm very worried about her, too. Please don't swear at me. I didn't make her sick. I'm just trying to get her better. Even though her eye didn't look all that bad, I just had a bad feeling about her and drew a blood count. She had a white blood count of 32,000, which is VERY high. I sent her immediately to the Children's Hospital ER, which was totally the right thing to do. She had a serious eye infection and grew bacteria out of the blood we drew and what they drew in the ER, too. I took really good care of her.

I know the dad was upset. But being upset does not make it acceptable to swear at the person who is nicely trying to take excellent care of your baby. I know he's just a jerk and I shouldn't take it personally, but it's damn hard not to take it personally.

On a good note, I'm holding steady on the weight. Ate some fast food for lunch yesterday because I was running late getting to work or I probably would have lost. It's a rare occurence, so I don't feel badly about it. Got a long dog walk in today.

The pups are home after a great weekend with their future mom, C. They behaved well. Izzy was very loving and cuddly. C admitted she favors the Iz a little, too, because she's so darn smart, and it was a challenge for both of us to get her to be affectionate. She's a spunky dog, and we're spunky women--I think that's part of it! Her husband's taken to Vinny right away.

I'll have them this week and then she'll take them for good on Friday, though I can steal them away whenever I'd like. My mom was so happy to hear how the weekend went and that C plans to take them, but asked, "Do you think I can see them sometimes, too?" She loves the little beasts, too, and, of course, will get to see them.

I think it will be so good in the end. They'll have more time with people home. My cats will be happy. I'll be much less stressed.

Tired

I'm tired of working. I just finished day 5 of 7. I'm trying to give away day 7 of 7. No takers yet. Usually the money hungry people are scrambling to take extra shifts, so I'm still hoping I can. I have no more dress pants clean because I'm way behind on laundry. I need to pay bills.

I'm at 269. No time to exercise, which is balanced out by not much time to eat.

The pups have been having fun with C. They're behaving fine. Izzy's been warm and cuddly, which C is tickled about because she experienced the standoffish puppy Izzy, too. The only problem is that the Iz jumped out of the playpen. That dog definitely can jump! C's figuring out alternative ways to contain her when needed. Vinny, of course, is mellow Vinny. I think this is going to work out. This trial period may become permanent--she's threatening to just not give them back this week! That'd be OK--I can visit anytime!

Down Despite A Whole Box of Dots

A movie-sized box. That I resisted eating the other night at the movie. But I didn't resist last night after a killer night at work. I had eaten well the rest of the day, so that and running my butt off at work must have saved me. I'm under 269.5, so I can move the ticker below 270!

OK, so enough with the rain. And this doesn't exactly seem like global warming. It'd be nice to get out of the 60's given it's AUGUST.

Otherwise, status quo. Happy dogs. Ticked off cats. Time-strapped Mom. But the pups will go to C's today for their weekend trial. Hope they have fun. She's already been shopping and got them a playpen and has been looking at invisible fences. They'll definitely be loved.

Sanity Returing Gradually

OK, so I'm under 270. Lots of dog walks Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday definitely helped. Yesterday none because of work, plus some minor issues like tornadoes all over the area. Today it's rainy and dreary, so probably none today before work, either.

The dogs were back at daycare yesterday for the first time in weeks. It's like someone planned a party for their return--all their favorite dogs! Of course, Ruby, the pug-miniature pinscher with whom Izzy apparently has this evil pact where Izzy poops the minute she gets there so Ruby can try to eat it--dogs really are disgusting beasts sometimes. Both the pug regulars--Vern and Maynard. Maynard has a crush on Izzy and follows her everywhere. Even Bella, the obese puggle, who appears to have slimmed down a bit this summer. Maybe she started a weight loss blog. I'm betting she feels a lot better.

The plan is that C will take the dogs for the weekend for kind of a trial run. We figure they've been through kind of a lot, so this way it shouldn't be all too upsetting for them to be gone a couple days and then they'll have the comfort of being home next week with me. I work all weekend anyway and then have a fair amount of time off next week, so it works out great. They'd be at daycare 12-hour days all weekend anyway. Instead, they'll be playing with C and her son and husband! Then, assuming all goes well, they'll go with them next weekend for good. I'll be able to see them anytime and plan to dogsit whenever I'm able!

Eventually this blog will get back to the topic for which it was originally intended. However, life has gotten in the way. Guess that's how it works with this weight loss thing. Life goes on, and you have to figure out how to keep from eating like crap and how to keep moving at least a little bit in the process, even when things suck. The support helps. Thanks for listening to all the whining and chaos!

Life Back to "Normal" but Maybe The Real Perfect Solution

It's like the pups were never gone. They're pretty much back to their overall well-behaved selves. Vinny still tends to bark more than I'd like. They still would like to play with the cats. The cats are not amused. Izzy's problem of ringing the bell to go outside 800 times a day even when she doesn't have to go potty seems to be largely cured. She's faked me out MAYBE 3 times so far, but the rest have all been real. And trust me, she gets a treat and lots of sweet "good girls" and pets when she comes through with a bodily substance after a bell ring. No destruction. They sleep all night. Izzy's more cuddly than ever. Vinny's still his cuddly, oafish self.

The woman, now someone I consider a very dear friend, who cleans my house presented me with a new option yesterday. She'd like to take the dogs! But she doesn't want to pressure me. She hadn't offered before because there was some potential they were moving, but that's fallen through. WOW. Either way she's offered to help walk them, pick them up, whatever she can do to help me. She doesn't want me having to rely on The Future Ex. She was his friend first, interestingly (she and her husband met him in karate class). Now I think she's still more upset with him than I am!

This woman knows these dogs well. She's been cleaning for me since before we had either of them. She's seen them at their best and their worst. She saw Izzy--the puppy terror--in all her glory, or lack thereof. She saw all the progress. Izzy used to avoid her like the plague (we wonder if it was the rubber gloves she wore to clean), and she's also had to work on earning the little creature's trust--which is so worth it cuz she's a sweetie. Everything that ever was peed on or chewed on in the dogs' younger days, she knows about. You can't hide much from your cleaning woman!

I know this woman has patience. I know she loves dogs. She's already talking about her and her 12-year-old taking them to obedience classes, which would be perfect. They also have a big yard and her husband's handy and would fence in an area for them. They'd be close by. I could see them anytime. I already told her that if we decided to do it, it could be on a trial basis to make sure it worked out.

Hmmmmm. I'm wondering if this is one of those times where things really do work out like they do for a reason.

They're Home and Happy!

Whew. They're home. They were extremely happy to see me. Lots of tail wagging, whining, licking. They were really glad to get home and out of the car. They've been playing nonstop--not surprising after 3 days in the car. It was pretty hard to get any pictures because they've been chasing each other all afternoon. This one shows Vinny in mid-ear-flop. We went for a super long dog walk, and they had a blast. No poop or pee inside. Nothing destroyed. Izzy's rung the bell twice to go outside and has actually peed each time. No tricks yet. My mom said they traveled great.

It's so great to have them home. One day at a time. Wednesday I start a stretch of working 7 days straight. That should be a pretty good test. Thank goodness for friends and doggy daycare.

Dog Day 2pm--My House!!

They're With Gramma!

Mom and Moon got the pups around noon. Izzy was out of my friend's car already when Mom got there and went NUTS when she saw my mom. Of course, Mom got the usual tail and butt and whole body wagging that is Izzy's signature, but also non-stop licking, which is NOT her norm. Apparently that's the extra special "you saved me from hell" greeting. Vinny got out of the friend's car shortly after and what he noticed first was MY car. He went insane whining and scratching to get in there like "don't you dare not take me with you." He licked his Gramma like crazy, too, but that's to be expected.

They settled down immediately in their kennels in my familiar car and have been nice babies all the way so far. They're a state and a half away. They should be here by early afternoon tomorrow. I can't wait!

The cats have no idea. Wonder if they'll realize once I start putting the baby gates back up. I've always let the cats have a huge portion of the house to themselves. They have a kickbutt cat-tree in the living room, too, so they can sit above the dogs and be safe. I'm thinkin' maybe I should make a bridge across from the loft to the half-wall around my kitchen--they could hang out up there and be safe, too. They sit up in the loft out of reach of the pups, too, but where they can still see us all in the living area.

Work was busy today--I was at another clinic site I usually try to avoid. I'm not sure what's worse--narcotic-seeking thugs or highly irritating rich folk who feel entitled to antibiotics for every little sniffle no matter how ridiculous the idea is and act like I'm rude and incompetent for even suggesting they're unnecessary. Only they don't start throwing around the F-bomb and cornering me in the exam rooms, so I can't scream at them to leave and yell for the nurses to call the cops to hasten their departure. Both of these types are wasting heathcare dollars, by the way.

I was at 270.5 this morning. It's an interesting phenomenon lately that I seem to LOSE weight with stress. ODD. I was starving when I got home tonight, though. I was craving pizza. I knew if I got home, I'd order a totally bad one with meat. So, instead, I got a veggie one from Papa Murphy's. It's not lo-cal by any means, but I had some at a friend's and at least it's COVERED with veggies. I knew it was risky because I tend to go WAY overboard on pizza when I'm really hungry. I ate two pieces with glass of milk, was full, and stopped. Another small victory.

Well, better get ready for the pups. Thanks all for the great support and excellent advice. Y'all are right about keeping the pups, accepting help, and relying on them to keep my sanity.

The Rescue Trip Is In Progress

My mom and our family friend, Moon, are on their way to the meetup point with my friend and her husband, where they'll exchange the dogs. It'll happen around noon tomorrow and then they'll be heading back here with them, about a 13-14 hour drive. I really can't wait to see them. The closer it gets, the more I'm just thinking maybe this is meant to be. I'm just going to take it a day at a time and be patient. I miss the little creatures SO much. I'm SO thankful to the four of them for making this trip. I wish I was part of it, but it was too short notice to get out of work.

They've been at my friend and her husband's since yesterday morning. Back where patience and knowledge of kennel training abounds, they're doing great. Not pooping and peeing all over the house. Not destroying everything. Sleeping all night. AND, most importantly, it sounds like they're much happier. My friend's husband told her that they better work on getting them back to me quick or THEY might end up keeping them cuz they're so sweet and FOUR dogs would be a bit too much with 3 kids, too.

So, I'm glad to hear that they haven't REALLY turned into the demons the $itch was making them out to be. Haven't heard a peep from her. Just as well. I tend to avoid conflict in general. But, in this situation, I don't think I could control myself.

I was under 271 today again. Got to the Y this morning.

I Think It's Figured Out

My friend's husband will go get the dogs from his ex today. My friend, I know, is a good animal person. Our families go back for generations, having farmed in the same area a couple generations back. I'm relieved to know they'll be in good hands for now. It looks like they can drive halfway this weekend to meet my mom. She'll be on her way here today and then leave from here tomorrow.

Whew.

Did I post this last night? My brain is fried...again. Still trying to look at the positives in the shittiness in my life. I think this means these dogs are meant to be with me. Yeah, it's been nice and simple without them, but, damn, I've missed them, too. One day at a time. I'll get them calmed back down. If it's absolutely not working, Plan B, to be determined later. I really can't see myself letting that happen, though. The realities of day-to-day life with them are stressful, but they're sweeties, so there are also many positives. The hell of letting them go only to have this happen--undescribable. I REALLY don't think I could do this again.

Seriously, dog/cat people out there! Any advice? The dogs don't want to eat the cats. They whine at them and chase them because they want to play with the cats. The cats are 6, 6, and 9 years old and want nothing to do with any form of play the puppies have in mind. Smoocherkitty had recently begun to sit more calmly on the other side of the gates, which made the dogs start to occasionally sit calmly on their side more often--so I did see tiny glimmers of progress... I guess just more vigilant dog supervision to minimize even further any whining/chasing to try to let the cats' comfort levels increase as much as possible.

I can deal with the stress of the dogs. The one thing that makes me sad is that the cats have been SO happy without them and now we'll be back to a segregated household.

The $itch Posted Them On Craig's List

If I had wanted THAT to happen, I could have done it. This after she said she was taking her time and not making any decisions without contacting me. I flagged her F-ing ad. I don't know what kind of supposed dog lover would ACT LIKE THIS. I think this has me more pissed off than The Future Ex having an affair!

My friend and her husband are going to get them tomorrow to bring them to their house until we figure out how to get them back here. I'm relieved they'll be out of this $itch's house. Either I'll fly them back or they'll meet my mom halfway driving. What a nightmare.

I'm keeping the dogs. I'll just have to get used to asking for help. Speaking of that--any advice on getting cats and dogs to learn to actually LIKE each other?

Trying to Keep Things In Perspective

I got an email just now from my friend who is the stepmother of the 14-year-old new "sister" to my dogs. I was a little more encouraged at least. She and her husband have dealt with getting a rescue dog and the whole transition and are working really hard to help this situation work out. She outlined what they did to transition their dog, and it sounds SO smart and exactly what I would've done. So, I sent her a long email about my dogs and their routine here, so she has more perspective on them and their personalities, figuring it can only help. I'm just going to see how this all plays out for now.

However, I have MUCH appreciated all the great advice and am keeping it all in mind. If this doesn't work, I may consider figuring out how to get them back here and keeping them. I mean, yes, I was stressed to some degree, and they didn't get the attention they used to, but they were HAPPY, which I'm not sure is the case now. I already use doggy daycare and that was how things were working AT ALL before. I'd just have to also rely on The Future Ex and friends to get them home from there at night before they close (while I'm still at work) and just accept that I'm not superwoman. I don't think I could take trying to find them ANOTHER home if this does end up falling through. They're north of Seattle, so the big issue would be getting them here (about 1200 miles away). If push came to shove, I'd just have to fly them home--thanks for that thought--it was you Fordo, right?

On a good note, I've been released from PT, barring me having any problems. I've been going to PT almost a YEAR. My visit today was at the Y. Amazingly, Boy PT (Wonder PT's replacement post-baby) says I can try most strength training exercises with a few exceptions as long as I used low weight and don't have pain. Pilates Reformer is probably more a 6-12-month postop venture, but I can deal with that. I did 15 minutes on the elliptical after my PT visit. Felt GOOD.

I'm trending down almost to 271.5. Great considering!

I'm Tired of Drama

I just want life to be uncomplicated for awhile. Apparently that's not in the cards for me. I can't remember if anyone connected to these people are among the ones I inadvertently outed my blog to, but, honestly, I'm beyond caring at this point. Last night I got home from work to an email from the woman who has my dogs--1200 miles away, so I can't just go get them right now and find them a different new home.

Keep in mind she's had them for exactly ONE WEEK. They are 7 months old and 15 months old. They were driven across the country to a completely new home and new people. She says they are pooping and peeing all over her house. They are chewing and destroying everything. They whine and cry all night. Some insight into part of the problem came when she said she takes them for a walk at 2am in her cul-de-sac because they're whining so much. Rule number one of kenneling dogs--whining does NOT earn your way out of the kennel. If you take them for a walk because they're whining to get out of the kennel, they learn that whining is rewarded by them getting to go for a walk outside at 2am. That's a pretty high-value reward for a dog.

She doesn't know if she can keep them. She may try to find them another home. My concern--anyone that IS going to give them a home HAS to understand that this is a major transition requiring PATIENCE and that it's only fair to the dogs to give them TIME to adjust. Changing homes multiple times will only make things WORSE. I feel horrible. Obviously they're very stressed, which makes me horribly sad. Obviously, this woman who was billed by my friend and herself as an experience dog person has forgotten what it's like to have young dogs or dogs in transition--no matter what it WILL take patience and training. They did NONE of these things in my home anytime recently, but that's due to much HARD WORK on my part to train them AND EARN THEIR TRUST. Honestly, I don't think she's the right person for them if she's not willing to put in any work--dogs are hard work. Trust me, I know, I just couldn't do it with just me. I never would have gotten them if I had known what was going to happen...

This and That

Back up to 272. Not bad considering Friday and Saturday--see below. I've been out walking but can't get my bum to the Y for some reason. Maybe now that it's getting really hot out, I'll change my mind.

Had a wonderful time celebrating S's "29th" Birthday. Dinner Friday at Buca. Couple glasses of wine and an episode of Lost that night. Her hubby watched the kids over night, so she could stay over and try to get some sleep--storms didn't exactly cooperate for that. Then coffee and jewelry shopping the next morning. Then lunch. Then a movie, which I mostly slept through. She got the most beautiful green amethyst earrings--I didn't even know there was such a stone.

I found out some interesting information at the jewelry store while trying to return some diamond earrings The Future Ex got me on my birthday trying to distract me from a lie I caught him in on that day. Let's just leave it at--the more I find out, the more sure I am this is the right decision.

The pups are in their new home. It sounds like they're doing overall OK. Vinny's being his usual mellow self. It sounds like Izzy's reverting a little bit to her suspicious self who doesn't like to be grabbed. Hopefully that'll get better as she gets to know her new people. That was something it took a long time and a lot of attention for me to work through with her when she was a pup. I think she just maybe wasn't handled as much as a pup as Vinny was.

The cats are in heaven. They've taken back over the house like they own the place--they do really, don't they? I keep wondering if they're thinking the dogs could return at any time. They''re more playful. They're more affectionate with me and each other.

Overall, life is good. Still kind of busy, but catching up on a few things. Still behind on blog reading...

Chick Power

Took the boat out with a friend yesterday--lots of fun. Really nice day. I hooked it up myself, got it out of the storage, unhooked the old battery, and got a new one. We took the boat out--the landing was a little tough due to the wind, but I backed the trailer in and out without too much trouble going in and out of the water. I felt much more comfortable driving the boat than I have before. Then I took boat back to the storage by myself and backed it in with minimal trouble. Yay! Don't think I could do it myself, but a few more times with someone who know what they're doing, and I should be a pro! It's so relaxing out there. Something I definitely need.

I still miss the pups like crazy. I've received a message back that they're traveling well so far. That helped. The cats are definitely happy with the new arrangement. I have one rubbing on my face and purring as I (try to) type. I'm sure they're just wondering when those horrible creatures will return!

I'm at 271, so down a little. Things have still been a little crazy, so I haven't gotten back into my Y routine. I'm off again starting tomorrow, so I have no excuse not to get there.

So Happy, Yet So Sad

A high school friend helped me find a home for Izzy and Vinny with her stepdaughter and her mother. They are true dog lovers. They have a fenced-in yard. They live 1200 miles away! Fortunately, the climate will be milder for two little dogs. It's really the only option or offer I had to keep the two together. I think it will be perfect. It was kind of sudden--they called today to say they figured out how to get them transported out there and picked them up today. I took them for a last walk. I hugged and smooched them. I've been in tears all day. This, too, will get easier. I know they'll be extremely happy and well-cared-for. These crazy little creatures and how attached we get to them. Just like when The Wanderer died, today I've vowed never to get another pet--it's so hard to lose them, whether through death or this way. I know the time will come I'll change my mind. I do so love orange tabby cats...